@requiem @loke @akkartik @djsundog @cwebber @freakazoid @patrick Programmers block unfortunately does happen. I literally have the exact opposite problem: I do not know why I feel compelled to complete a Kestrel/ForthBox computer design.

I really don't.

I already know nobody else besides me is going to use it, and even then, for how long before I get bored with it? What impact will it have on the world, a world already crowded with retrocomputing projects vastly more successful than anything I can muster? Is there room for a neo-retro design like mine? A design with no prior existing software base, and no prior existing peripheral equipment?

I'm not so sure. So why do I bother?

I used to use the excuse that it helped to keep me grounded when I spent the bulk of my days hacking on enterprise level projects. But, does it really? I'm not so sure anymore. If anything, I'm finding it robs from me valuable time I could be thinking about my paid job project. I can't tell you how many times I spent a week to two weeks of time hacking on my own kit when I should have been working.

The only working hypothesis that I can come up with that it is my artistic output. For me, this isn't a project from which I'll ever make money. But, it's one that I can express my creative output in. Most people think of art as something that is written, or that is drawn, or that is heard. But, why can't it also be something that can compute too?

I don't know anymore. I'm now old enough to safely say that I spent the majority of my life working on this project. Still, with nothing to show for it. You've seen me explode here before over this. It's not easy.

I very frequently wish I were more balanced like other engineers in my field. Alas, nature has wired my brain differently.

It's something to do, I guess.

@vertigo @requiem @loke @akkartik @djsundog @cwebber @patrick I am in precisely the same boat, though my lifetime project is a lot more amorphous.

I'd say it's definitely artistic output for me. It's what keeps me sane. I wish I could figure out how to reduce my need to "justify" spending time on such pursuits. Sometimes the need leaves me and I'm able to make some progress.


@vertigo @requiem @loke @akkartik @djsundog @cwebber @patrick The main clue I have for my own issue is that it might be Pathological Demand Avoidance, which may explain why talking publicly about a project or offering to do something for someone seems to be the surest way to make me lose motivation to work on it.

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