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On the one hand, it would be unnecessarily vulgar and sexist to make "Sticking your dick in the mousetrap" a shorthand for throwing a lot of money at whatever the Better Mousetrap is this year, be it bitcoin or blockchain or NFT or AI or whatever

But on the other hand it's just SO EVOCATIVE

Great Dan, yet another tech thing exclusively aimed at people with dicks, excellent job,

oh with today's technology we can fit a clit in a mousetrap NO PROBLEM

and what about inter-

*stands up, palms on table* ALL IN THE MOUSETRAP

Where's that cigarette-smoking fox CEO from the bike thread

We're pivoting to AI
"Snippety-snap, it's all for the trap," that's our new motto

Watching You've Been Framed, it's an AI special, dudes in suits queuing up to stick their dicks in the mousetrap, I'm giggling at them from my TV armchair, a guy in jeans and a polo shirt says "For goodness' sake not like that, here let me show you how it's OW," I'm losing it, spilling my tea on my belly, they just keep on going, "No, see, try putting it in at an angle AH FUCK" I can't breathe, laughing so hard I pee a lil bit, tears running down my face, I see the CEO of a company I actually use and rely on and I stand up tea spilled on the floor shouting at the telly "Wait NO-"

*movie trailer voice* IN A WORLD, BEFORE THE DICK MOUSETRAP,

A man at a desk pushes his hair up his forehead and sighs, from the doorway "Are you coming to bed honey?" "Yeah, just give me a few," mutters to himself "An idea. Just one idea, that's all I need," he looks at the mousetrap in the corner, he looks down at his dick, his face lights up "EUREKA!"

"A Better Mousetrap," the unauthorized biopic of the billionaire dick-in-mousetrap man, this summer and only in cinemas

I read the popular science fiction novel "Don't put your dick in the mousetrap" as a young boy and since then I've wanted to build a better mousetrap to put my dick in

THE UTOPIAN SOLARPUNK FUTURE:

You know, I heard about this new technology that could change the world,

Oh yes, I know what you mean, stay away my friend, that's this year's Better Mousetrap

Ah, from the popular saying "Don't put your dick in the mousetrap," well I'll stay away then, thank goodness that scruffy fedi pinball raccoon popularized that phrase back in 2024

Yes indeed, if it weren't for him we'd all be walking around with mousetraps dangling from our dicks

That's why his PFP's on the 20 centimousetrap coin

Fedi: good morning everyone, what shall we post today, hmm let's do some positive USPOL memes (properly CW'd of course), some good composting information, good good, oh Dan's awake, I wonder if we'll get some interesting arcade technologyposting

*rubbing hands together* Right, dick in a mousetrap, here we go

Right lads, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but the bubble has popped, the arse has fallen out of the dick-in-a-mousetrap game, and unless we think of something to turn it around right quick I'm gonna have to sack the bloody lot of you. Ideas?

Sir, research indicates that every time a CEO puts his dick in a mousetrap, stock prices rise sharply at first but then tumble astronomically once the pain sets in and markets return to temporary rationality

So it's the pain that people object to

And the dick-stuck-in-a-mousetrap part honestly

The point where the dick goes in the mousetrap, that's when things go wrong

Everything up to that point seems to work fine

So now that we've thoroughly incorporated dicks-in-mousetraps into our business, we need to figure out some kind of way to put your dick in a mousetrap, without ending up with your dick stuck in a mousetrap

Johnson, get working on a new dickless mousetrap prototype

s-sir

Or a mousetrapless dick, if needs be

See, this is why CEOs need hobbies. A CEO's job is to do something and watch the money pour in, problem is that businesses can get into the unfortunate situation where they make enough money to pay everyone well and then just kinda tick over in that horrible boring state for years and years. If the boss doesn't have a good hobby, if he just comes to the office every day and twiddle his thumbs, he'll find himself in need of a good mousetrap to stick his dick in

I think the whole sticking-your-dick-in-a-mousetrap thing is funny because it's both absurd and relatable

I mean who among us can honestly say they've never gotten their dick stuck in a mousetrap

You know, you hear on the news about the latest dick-caught-in-mousetrap epidemic, you think "Pfft, those dingdongs, that'll never happen to me," five minutes later SNAP aw hell, welp that's what I get for being smug I guess

And then you're in the hardware store five minutes before closing time marching angry down the aisles with the wood slapping your thighs, where even is it, where's the I-dun-goofed-and-gotta-fix-in-a-hurry aisle, toilet repair, nope, quickset drywall repair nah, you end up having to ask where the dick-releasing crowbars are and the lady just can't keep the snicker off her lips can she, so much for my fucking Saturday night

You don't wanna drive all the way home like this so you just find a quiet corner of the car park and stick the jaws in and crank the handle and it slowly slowly starts to let go and just as you're starting to see the funny side of things then the cheap piece of shit shears clear in half and bam, now you got the whole kit and kaboodle stuck in there, can't even take it back 'cause half of it's stuck in the mousetrap so you just drive home and write the manufacturer a shitty email and write the night off and deal with it in the morning

Am I right fellas

Anyway these tech bro CEOs go and harass the mousetrap on PURPOSE

I love that there are email sysadmin people earnestly replying to the first post of this thread

Mark, owner of Smashwords: Okay Draft2Digital, I'll sell you my company whose userbase is full of the kinkiest people you can possibly imagine, but you've gotta promise to let them continue being kinky

Draft2Digital: oh we promise

And don't do anything *too* fucked up, alright?

we promise

OK

*five minutes later*

New email, from: subject: AUTHOR POLL on attractiveness of mousetrap; is this mousetrap hot enough to fuck? Have your say here

*lowering dick slowly towards gaping mousetrap* I know you think I shouldn't do this, but have you considered that NOT doing this would actually be problematic?

*cries of anguish and DON'T DO IT etc*

Bigots. You're all bigots. *K-SNAP* OW WHAT THE FUCK

WE TOLD YOU IT WOULD HURT

STOP BEING CLASSIST

@ifixcoinops In some of my less charitable moments, I have replied to recruiter cold-emailing with "I'd rather staple my dick to my leg."

@ifixcoinops Is it sexist? I once walked past a bitcoin convention and the gender-ratio looked more unbalanced than the average catholic seminary.

@ifixcoinops new bottom surgery just dropped