CONSUMING RAW PECANS IS DANGER @RawPecans@retro.social

all men inherently want things from women, such as but not limited to: pussy, emotional or mental labor, physical effort, social validation, or a general fuck given about you.
so LISTEN: women are constantly disadvantaged, even in the most habitable societies, we are witchhunted to death in the sneakiest of ways.
help women defend themselves by giving them the only thing that matters in ANY society, and always helps: money.

im very sad and scared about the conversation i have to have later with my spouse. i don’t wanna have it until gf is off work bc it’s gonna be very upsetting and i’m gonna wanna go cry on her.

oh god i am so fucking anxious and sad. i have to talk to winston and can’t really do it until tomorrow bc they fucking drank all day so even tho they just woke up they’re not gonna be receptive to the conversation we need to have which is A) you need to go to therapy B) you need to get a job and C) you need to apologize to me and Carla for some of your behavior bc honestly im pretty hurt.

am sad

yesterday while arguing with my spouse: lying eyes by the eagles
this morning while arguing with my spouse: already gone by the eagles
this afternoon while talking to my gf about some real deep shit: the man by aloe blacc

gas station music be real prophetic sometimes yo

then they just got up to take care of the dogs bc I wasn’t reacting the way they wanted? like bro let me fucking chill. let me decide if i wanna fuck or not and god FORBID let me initiate it?
but also a little bit “fuck you this is what you get” bc the other night when Carla was here, the two of them had some fun while i was getting dinner (fine) but like two hours later i wanted to also fuck and they were upset about CoD so they just wanted to sleep and i was like ..... bitch .....

so last night when I was on my way home they were sweet and specifically said they wouldn’t bother me about sex but literally did just that not only last night but also this morning? like not really bothered me but definitely started rubbing my leg and squeezing my butt and i was waiting for some sweet talk like “good morning beautiful” kinda bullshit but all they did was ask if the touching was okay, which yeah consent is important but bitch i wanna be told im LOVED before we fuck

like yeah bro, i probably would! she’s better at initiating sex. she kisses me passionately, doesn’t just close her eyes and wait for me to kiss her. she holds me close and rubs my body and makes me feel loved. those things are things you don’t fucking do and they have everything to do with my lack of interest in fucking you. also the whole “come home dead tired from working to support us and now i lowkey feel like im also expected to fuck just bc you want to”

my spouse has a high sex drive and so do i, normally that works well but lately they don’t seem to understand that i am WAY more tired than they are bc i work six days every week, and coming home to be bothered about sex is just not my fucking cup of tea? and i do mean “bothered” bc it’s not cute attempts to initiate sex, it’s straight up “baby can i have you?” which is just annoying and turns me off. they get all butthurt if i don’t feel like it & say “oh but you’d fuck Carla”

like this girl I work with asked if i would leave my spouse for my gf, and y’all i was so scared of my answer. i don’t know what to do. I’m trying and I been trying and I just don’t know

i just feel like there been a lotta signs lately that I need to change something and it’s gonna be hard and tbh idk if I’m ready but this kinda shit don’t always wait until you ready

indulging myself in the radical notion that i deserve one day off per week

if i go in tomorrow i could make some money bc i have a customer who’s violently in love with me and will take me to VIP and spend money on me on the floor but it’s my day off with Carla and I also don’t wanna work uhhhhhhhh ten fucking days in a row for the second time in four weeks

note to self: don’t think about your dead brother before you go to the club you gonna be depressed as fuck all night and ain’t make no money

bro i can not deal with how much I’m thinking about Pennsylvania right now

and like, Carla sent me a text today basically saying if we need help we can ask her and she’ll do what she can but i am too fucking proud and i would rather donate plasma or sell my kidney honestly i couldn’t ask her for that?? i don’t ever let her spend money when she’s around me so it kind of backtracks on how i present myself in the relationship thus far to be like “hey im broke can u give me $200?” like i’d waaaaaay rather ask my roommate. i don’t care as much what he thinks

i just don’t understand how working six days a week doesn’t make me not have to live paycheck to paycheck. i just have more frequent paychecks now than i used to? so it’s not as fuckin shitty? but it still sucks? i wish my spouse’s mental health was better so i could be like “hey get a job” but it’s not that fucking simple and someone suggested a few weeks back that i should leave them and honestly i found it insulting? like sweetie if i was gonna i would have. i actually do love them

and at the end of all this i still don’t have enough for rent without asking my roommate for an extra $200 and that’s assuming i can survive from tomorrow -Friday night on $40. cuz tues-thurs i groom &while i do have some days with GREAT cash tips, but some people don’t tip &a lot tip on the checks they pay with so that doesn’t do me any good until next tuesday. friday i can at least go in and hope for another $200 to tide me over til tuesday